


Let it Burn

by FrankieFandom



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Gap Filler, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 18:39:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10038878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrankieFandom/pseuds/FrankieFandom
Summary: What if Severide had found Katya's body? A Sevasey overhaul of 4.01 [ What he had done to survive pushed him so close to breaking point ]





	

Casey woke up late on Saturday after spending most of the night at Stilettos. Missing a whole shift now seemed pointless since they'd gotten no useful information for the cops. Voight had said it was going to be a long process but he didn't want it to keep interfering with his duties at the firehouse. He'd not even seen Severide since their blowout on the apparatus floor at the end of his last shift on Wednesday. He'd spent most his time since then with the couple construction jobs he had on, just a few repairs, and he'd met Jack Nesbitt at the club once before the meeting last night with Nesbitt's investors.

After eating some breakfast and finishing a mug of much needed coffee he decided to take his frustration out at the gym. As he grabbed his bag and headed to his truck he contemplated sending Severide a message asking if he wanted to join him but doubted the answer would be a positive one with the situation between Truck and Squad so the thought left his mind as quickly as it had entered.

By the time Casey got back to the apartment it was mid-afternoon as he'd stopped to pick up a few groceries and the days newspaper. As he put away the few items he'd bought at the store he saw there was a used plate on the side of the sink. Severide must have come home and gone back out again. Staring at it Casey felt like he was trying to avoid him though he doubted it as he was not usually one to avoid someone for the sake of stopping an argument.

With the washing machine loaded with his gym clothes and more clothes from the laundry basket he sat down at the computer to check his emails, where he prepared a quote for a customer who wanted a new garden fence and had provided him the dimensions and some photos in an email, all in an attempt to distract himself from the misery he felt. He was at a loss with Severide. They were butting heads once again. Severide wouldn't see reason or perhaps he was right, perhaps Casey should just let him get on with his own business but it was affecting his crew, affecting the whole house.

With perfect timing the washing machine finished its last cycle when he closed his computer down and after loading the clothes into the dryer he went make something to eat now his stomach had quelled from the annoyance and frustration that had been causing it to flip flop for the majority of the day.

Food preparations were interrupted when his phoned buzzed quietly in his pocket. Taking it out to see if it was anything important he saw it was just Severide wanting him to join everyone at Molly's. He shoved it straight back into his pocket without replying, he wanted to sit at home, watch a bit of TV and get an early night, he didn't want anything to do with Severide and why on earth did the man want him at Molly's anyway? He'd probably messaged the wrong number.

His phone started vibrating with a call as he finished off preparing dinner but there was knock on the door and the phone went unanswered as he put the knife down on the worktop and went to open the apartment door. "Katya? Come in," he motioned for her to enter after the shock of seeing her outside the apartment faded, "Are you ok?" Casey asked with concern as they moved into the kitchen.

"I'm sorry I didn't know what to do. You said I could always come over," she spoke quickly, worriedly, "I think I need to tell you something. I trust you and we need to look out for each other…" she started to pace the room.

"What's happened?" Casey asked quickly placing his hand on her shoulder to halt her frantic movements.

She looked up to him. "I can trust you," she spoke. It wasn't a question but Casey nodded in response. "It is Jack and the men he is working for..." she explained, "They are smuggling girls over and..."

"I know," Casey replied earnestly.

"You know?" she questioned.

He nodded, "I've been working with the police for the last week or so. I wanted to help."

"You are working with the police? Matt this is good! I didn't know who to trust," she said, "But you were different and I did not know what to do, I did not want you to get hurt."

"It's ok," Casey comforted as she began pacing in front of him once again.

"I've been trying to find a way to stop them, they talk in front of me, I have everything written down," Katya explained pacing the kitchen floor.

"Let me see," Casey replied hoping they would be able to take Katya's notes to the police and get the whole situation sorted.

"I don't have it with me..."

Suddenly the back door opened up and a man that Casey recognised as one of the Bulgarians from the club, he had a gun aimed at them and was followed swiftly by Jack Nesbitt.

Casey put his hands up in the air, attempting to keep the situation under control, and stood closer to Katya, who had now stopped pacing, wanting to shield her.

"Where is it?" the Bulgarian demanded urgently.

"I'm not telling you anything!" Katya yelled stepping closer to the Bulgarian and away from Casey's protection.

Bang!

The noise echoed around the apartment. Katya went flying back onto the floor, blood sprayed from her chest onto Casey and the kitchen cabinet behind her. The bullet had gone straight through her and only stopped when it hit the wall after cracking though a glass bowl which landed with a smash on the floor below the worktop. Casey had immediately dropped down to Katya. He placed his hands over the bloody wound on her chest only to have the gun pointed at his head.

"Get up!" the Bulgarian yelled at Casey. He didn't move. Katya was bleeding out. The warm blood was seeping thickly through his hands, oozing through his fingers. There was already a large sickly puddle forming beneath her paling body. Katya was looking straight into Casey's eyes. She was scared. But there was nothing Casey could do. She was bleeding out. Her skin paled with every second. Her breath shortened with every moment.

"I said get up!"

This time the man knocked Matt in the chest as a warning and he fell from his crouched position to the ground. He moved, righting himself so he could put his hand back over Katya's chest. Her eyes had closed. A strong arm grabbed his shoulder pulling him upright as he remained staring down at Katya's dying body.

As he was manhandled further away from her he saw the knife he'd left on the worktop. He knew the gun was still threateningly near but he had to do something just to buy some time in case one of the neighbours had heard the gunshot and the police were on the way… Casey desperately hoped that was the case because having seen Severides message he knew he wouldn't be home for hours or not at all if he decided to go to someone else's place.

The moment the gun wasn't directly focused on him Casey quickly shoved the Bulgarian away, the man toppled onto Nesbit as Casey quickly grabbed the knife from the worktop.

The Bulgarian and Nesbitt steadied themselves having fallen to the ground and as all three of them saw the gun had been flung into the lounge they dived towards the weapon. Casey landed on his side, his left hand gripping the knife and his right hand stretched out holding onto the gun. The Bulgarian also had a hold on the weapon and using his size pushed Casey onto his back, pinning both his wrists above his head only to receive a knee to his stomach.

After kneeing the Bulgarian Casey scrambled away from him only to be pulled back and pushed into the wall. A lamp came crashing down next to him and he soon found himself lying on his back, panting and spitting blood out of his mouth, with Nesbitt and the Bulgarian looking down at him with the gun aimed steadily towards him.

"Drop it!" the Bulgarian yelled and seeing no other way out of the situation Casey relinquished his hold on the knife. Once again he was forcefully brought up so that he was upright and was then manhandled out the front door with the gun firmly placed on his back. Casey was led out of the apartment block to the back seat of a blacked out car. The Bulgarian roughly shoved him inside and the door was slammed behind him.

Nesbitt drove the car whilst the Bulgarian sat in the passenger seat with his gun still pointing at Casey who was trembling with both rage and adrenaline. His hands were covered in Katya's blood. He could still smell it, feel it on his lips, his face and neck had been sprayed red the moment the bullet had hit her chest.

Soon the car stopped. As Casey was pulled out of the car he realised they'd brought him to Stilettos. He barely had time to wonder why as he was pushed through the front doors. He was shoved forward into the main room, still being threatened by the gun. He turned round to face the Bulgarian with his arms out unthreateningly in an effort to keep the man calm as he took the chance to glance around the room looking for any way out.

"Ok where is it? She's always writing in a notebook. Where does she keep it?" the Bulgarian questioned still waving his gun threateningly towards him.

"He doesn't know," Nesbitt realised regrettably whilst Casey was desperately trying to think of a way out of the situation.

"I do know. I just need a second…" Casey began as he came up with a quick plan.

The gun clicked menacingly as the Bulgarian turned the safety off, "Now!"

On Casey's right Nesbitt pleaded, "Casey just give him what he wants." It would be over a done with if Casey would just tell them where the notebook was, Nesbitt had been worried that his cohorts rash decision to kill Katya had also killed any knowledge of the notebooks whereabouts. The notebook that would reveal his own involvement in the trafficking ring.

Casey looked from Nesbitt back to the Bulgarian. Adrenaline was surging through his body. His breaths came quickly. He needed to get out of there. He had no idea where the notebook was. He'd not even heard of it until recently. No one knew he was here and unless any of his neighbours had heard anything no one would be checking his apartment until Severide returned home. No one would know about Katya until it was too late. No one would know about him until it was too late.

"The room…" Casey began hoping to gain the upper hand somehow or at the very least buy some time, "The new room. It's gotta be in there."

The Bulgarian looked to Nesbitt who knew nothing and back to Casey, "Show me." So Casey led the way down the corridor to the room he had nearly finished renovating. Once at the doorway he was shoved in and followed by the Bulgarian and Nesbitt.

Nesbitt looked around the room "She must have hidden it in here," he told the Bulgarian who was still threatening his gun at Casey; he really didn't want any more deaths on his hands.

At the end of the gun Casey was stood as unthreateningly as possible as the Bulgarian questioned, "Where is it?"

"I…" Casey began as he looked around the room for anything that could give him the upper hand, "She told me she left it in here," he states hoping they would believe him. "She must have put it in here when I was fixing up the room," he looked from the Bulgarian to Nesbitt and back again looking to see if they believed his panicked voice.

"Where?" the Bulgarian demanded.

Casey looked around "It could be anywhere, if you'd not shot her you'd know exactly where..." he trailed off as he saw one of his tool boxes in the corner near a few cardboard boxes, a hammer was lying on top. He continued looking around hoping to hide what he had spotted. A plan had now formulated in his head. He needed to get the upper hand and fast or he wasn't going to survive this. The man waving the gun around was losing patience. No one would be looking for him. There was no point in just simply buying time now. He needed to get out on his own. He needed to get over to his tool box.

"It's over here I think," he stated bringing attention to the corner where his tool box was lying. He turned his back to the gun and started to walk over.

"Not so fast."

Casey paused as he felt the gun pressed against his back and then continued. At the wall he bent down with one hand still slightly raised as he appeared to start looking through some of the boxes. The gun was still pressed into his back. It was now or never. Casey took a deep breath as he spun around grabbing both the hammer and the Bulgarians wrist that held the gun. Casey used all his strength to move the gun as far away as possible from himself as it was fired three times with a deafening roar next to his head.

With his ears ringing Casey sent his knee up into the man's gut making him double over. Still holding the wrist with gun whacked him twice on the head with the hammer in his left hand. Blood splattered and the man went limp. Casey let go of the Bulgarians wrist and he fell down with a sickening thud. Blood pooled from his head to Casey's jean clad knees. He let out a breath he didn't realise he had been holding and stared down in shock at what he'd just done. He loosened his hold on the hammer and it fell to the floor. Adrenaline was pounding through his body ceaselessly. He turned and stood up shakily to face the other man in the room.

"Matt…" Nesbitt began pleadingly as he slowly moved his hands out not wanting to fight, he knew he'd lose.

Casey saw red. Rage still fuelled him and he swung at Nesbitt knocking him sideways. Nesbitt managed to get a couple of hits into Casey's side but he recovered himself and knocked Nesbitt down to the ground. He held on to Nesbitts shirt and continued to send fist after fist down onto his face. Nesbitt wasn't going to be getting up any time soon and there was blood pouring from his nose and face yet Casey continued. Adrenaline was surging through his body.

"Casey! Casey! Take it easy! Take it is easy! Easy! Take it easy!" Voight stormed into the room but Casey heard nothing. The man struggled to stop the enraged Casey pounding on Nesbit. He was no longer aware of his surroundings. Or of what he was doing. He just needed to survive but suddenly someone was in front of him and he kept struggling until realisation dawned on him. Casey took a step back. His hand was throbbing. His chest felt tight.

"Is there anyone else here?" Voight asked Casey hurriedly as he watched his short and quick breaths, watched him clutch his bloodied hand.

"No, no, just these two," he replied quickly as he looked around at his surroundings. The room felt much smaller than before. It felt like it was closing in on harm as he tried to take control of his breathing.

Antonio had handcuffed Nesbitt and a few feet from him the Bulgarian with the gun was lying dead. The hammer was right next to him and Blood had pooled around his head. 'Him or me,' Matt thought.

"They killed Katya!" the words left his mouth almost in a panic. He was still shocked. She's dead.

"We know," Antonio replied simply, "What did they want?" he asked as he looked up from Nesbitt who was still on the ground handcuffed.

"Katya had a notebook. She gathered information on the whole operation…" Casey explained breathlessly.

"All right where is it?" Voight questioned.

Anguished he replied, "Here at the club somewhere? I guess she hid it… I don't know..."

"All right we've got it from here," Voight stated when two more officers entered the room announcing the rest of the building was clear.

Casey was still leaning against the wall. Antonio was now by his side. Casey looked lost to the world, once again unaware of his surroundings. Antonio placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder but he jumped and shook it off as if he'd been electrified.

"Sorry…" Casey said lamely although he wasn't entirely sure why.

Antonio gave him a look of pity and a glum smile. He then nodded to the officers to escort Casey out of the building. Turning back to Casey he smiled reassuringly, "Let's get you out of here."

Once outside Casey let out a deep breath into mild air. The night sky was clear. There were three police cars, one unmarked, and an ambulance now surrounding the outside of the club. The blue lights flashed in the darkness. The officers led him over to the ambulance. He followed without a word of protest despite wanting to insist that he was fine, he didn't need an ambulance. He noticed Nesbitt sat in the back of one of the police cars holding some white gauze to his bleeding nose when he reached the back of the ambulance where the paramedics started to check him over. "Hey there, are you hurt anywhere? Is it just your hand?" he didn't recognise her and he didn't reply as she took his hand gently into her own.

The world seemed to have slowed down around him, he looked down at his throbbing right hand. When he looked back up a light was being shone into his eyes. He battered it away insisting that he was ok, although he suddenly realised he was now sat down on the back of the ambo. When had he sat down?

He looked round to see that Antonio was talking to one of the paramedics who then took the gurney into the club to collect the body. Then Antonio was looking over to him and he suddenly felt self-conscious. He stood up too quickly. He faltered as his surroundings blurred for a moment. Antonio's strong arm was on his side in a second and he was led to the unmarked police car.

"Just sit for tight for a few, then we'll leave," Antonio didn't say they were going to get his hand x-rayed and have him checked over at the hospital. He knew him well enough to know that Casey would only resist and he couldn't go back home yet even if they let him. Katya's body had been taken to the morgue but the place hadn't been cleaned. It would be a few hours before it was cleaned.

Antonio had already spoke to Severide who had been anxiously waiting in their shared apartment, he explained what had happened and before he'd even finished speaking Severide said he'd come and get Matt from the hospital. Severide had been pacing the apartment, wearing a hole into the floor since he'd discovered Katya's body.

The drive to the hospital was spent in silence. Antonio kept casting a glance at Casey taking in his drained expression in the rear view mirror. It didn't take long to reach the hospital and lead Casey inside to the waiting area whilst he had kept insisting he was fine. Antonio assured him that it was just a precaution but insisted that he needed his hand x-rayed.

Severide was already in the waiting room, now wearing down that flooring as he continued to pace in a new location. He spotted Casey as soon as he entered flanked side by side with the two detectives. Antonio sat Casey down and headed over to the desk to get him seen. Casey looked forlorn sat in the crowded waiting area.

"Hey Case."

Casey barely acknowledged Severide when he sat down next to him. Severide took in his friend's appearance. His hair was a mess, there was blood and grime on his face and sweater but the only injuries he could see were a small cut on his lip and his bloody right hand which was lying tentatively on his lap.

Casey looked up tiredly at his friend, "Did you call them?" he asked motioning towards Antonio and Voight who were now in a heated discussion near the entrance.

Severide nodded.

"You found her?"

"Yeah," Severide replied simply.

"Didn't think you'd be home so soon," he admitted tiredly.

"Was gonna drag your ass to Molly's…" Severide almost winced at his choice of words.

"Oh right," Casey sighed and lowered his head into his left hand, his right still rested on lap. His thoughts felt clouded and his body slow and cumbersome.

"Hey you ok?" Severide asks coaxingly, Casey moved his head over to him but kept in his hand and didn't look up. "Yeah sorry, I know, wrong question... I mean you hurt anywhere else?"

"I'm fine. Tired. Fine," he responded slowly. The ER doors opened and slammed against the walls making Casey jump at the sudden noise. Severides hand reached for his arm to calm him but he just recoiled away from him.

He noticed Severides worried expression and brought his uninjured hand up, ran it nervously through his hair before dropping it down to his leg with his other hand. "Sorry," he muttered.

Severide was about to respond to the unnecessary apology when a doctor holding a clip board called out, "Matthew Casey?"

Casey didn't appear to have heard so Severide went to touch his arm but stopped halfway remembering how he'd just reacted so quietly spoke, "Matt?" who looked up to him as he started to stand up, "Let's get that hand looked at yeah?" Severide said as Casey got up to follow the doctor, grimacing at his aching body which was slow to respond to his commands.

Severide trailed behind Casey who followed the doctor past a few occupied ER beds, each were sectioned off by pale blue curtains, as they reached an empty station the doctor indicated at the vacant bed with a warm smile "Take a seat."

Casey complied and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Ok let's have a look at this hand," she commented before taking it gently so as not to startle him. He winced as she examined the bloody bruised and swollen hand. "Can you move all you fingers?" he did as she asked, "Good. Can you make a fist?" He tried and a groan slipped through his parted lips in pain, "Ok, don't worry; I'm going to send you up to x-ray just to be on the safe side ok?" but Casey didn't look up or acknowledge her, "Sir? Sir can you look up at me please?" he didn't respond, "Mathew?" she questioned a little sharper and Casey looked up slowly from his daze, "I'm just going to check you over ok?" she spoke, trying to gain a coherent response from him.

He winced when the little light was first shone into his eyes but followed its movement slowly and replied, "Sorry, I'm just tired I guess."

"Doc?" Severide questioned as he became more concerned for his friend and his dwindling awareness.

She looked towards Severide and smiled reassuringly before going back to Casey, "We're nearly done," she stated for both their sakes, "Can you take you tops off Mathew? I just want to check for any other injuries."

Severide edged over to help and Casey slowly slipped his tops off in one movement with Severides assistance. Wincing slightly as he lifted his arms up to bring them over his head.

There was a small bruised area on his side but nothing too serious looking. After examining him the doctor smiled once more, "All good. Swing your legs onto the bed, lie down and rest for a few. Someone will be with you shortly to take you up to x-ray," and she left leaving the two Lieutenants alone.

Casey sighed as he let his head sink back onto the blue pillow. Severide was stood on his right side looking down with concern. "Ok Case?"

Slowly looking up at him Casey nods, "Yeah fine." His eyelids were heavy and he was struggling to keep them open.

"We'll get out of here soon," Severide said reassuringly knowing he never liked to stay long in hospitals especially after his head injury nearly two years ago.

Casey looked up sleepily at Severide again, whose face was full of worry, "I am ok Kelly," he forced a smile. Severide nodded, smiled and patted him on the shoulder but his eyes still conveyed his worry.

When Casey was taken up for his x-ray Severide hung back and found Antonio, "What happened?" he demanded in a hushed tone, not wanting to cause a scene in the ER waiting room, he'd only been told the bare minimum, that Casey had been taken to Stilettos.

"Looks like he was taken to the club in search of a notebook containing evidence about their operation," Antonio explained simply, "Seems as though they thought Katya had told him where it was."

Noticing the troubled look on Antonio's face Severides eyes narrowed and he asked, "What aren't you telling me?"

"We're not 100% on the facts… when we arrived he was on top of Nesbitt and the other man, we've not ID'd him yet, had been killed…"

Severide knew what he was implying but chose to ignore it for now, "Is this all over? You have the evidence? You got Casey into this mess, is it all over?"

"We're no closer to closing the case," he shook his head at the situation.

"Keep Casey out it."

"Kelly he offered to help out, of course we didn't think…"

"Casey doesn't know how to say to know if someone needs help," Severide almost spat back.

"If we knew this was going to happen we would never have…"

"Not another word."

Antonio changed the subject after checking his phone, "They're just finishing up at your apartment now," Severide nodded in acknowledge, "We need to get an official statement from Casey."

Severide thought back to Casey's slow and guarded responses, to his bloodied and grim appearance, Severide just wanted to get him home and cleaned up, he couldn't even imagine what he'd been through, "Now?"

"Better to get it over with now and not drag it out any longer for him," Antonio replied.

Sighing Severide replied, "Right…"

When Casey came back down from his x-ray less than an hour later he was half asleep but mumbled quietly when he noticed Severide, "Not broken." A nurse had cleaned and wrapped his swollen and bruised hand.

"Good," he smiled down at Casey's messy blond hair, and gave another friendly smile to the doctor who was slipping the scan into a pale brown folder.

"I'm just going to get this prescription filled for you and then you're free to leave," the doctor smiled and headed to the pharmacy round the corner.

"Painkillers?" Severide questioned.

Casey looked down sheepishly, "Erm no, sleeping pills. Said I didn't need them," he sighed tiredly and shifted position so he was no longer lying down but sat on the edge of the bed again.

"Yeah might be a good idea though," Severide spoke agreeing with the doctors idea, "… At least just for when we get back, it's been a tough night." He knew Casey's frenzied thoughts would keep him awake. Knew he was already blaming himself for Katya's death.

"I'm fine," he mumbled.

"Yeah I know," Severide rolled his eyes knowing Casey wasn't looking at him.

The doctor arrived back and Antonio came to Casey's bedside with her.

"Here we are, just one before bed will do if you think you can't sleep after what's happened, there's enough for two nights but if you need any more than that I'd like you to make an appointment an appointment with your regular physician. No driving or operating any machinery for twelve hours after you've had them ok? And you can take some over the counter painkillers for you hand and side," she explained.

"I'm fine," Casey repeated.

She smiled at his stubbornness, "Take them. Get a good long sleep. You'll feel better. You've had a rough night." Antonio nodded in agreement.

Severide took the orange pot from her "Thanks doc," and she left the three of them.

Antonio looked down at Casey who was sat on the edge of the bed slowly putting his tops back on and although he tried his best to hide it Casey couldn't conceal a wince as he dressed himself.

"Matt I just need a statement for the police report before you go; I know it's probably the last thing you want to talk about but…" Antonio was interrupted before he could finish

"Let's just get it over with," Casey's words slurred with tiredness. Severide stepped out knowing it wasn't going to easy talking to Antonio never mind if he was there too. He knew Casey too well. He liked to be in control and after all that had happened tonight the least he could do was try and give him some of that control back and wait for his friend to tell him in his own time if that's what he wanted.

Casey recounted how Katya had come over to see him and how it had all gone down in the apartment but talking about what he had done in the club didn't come so easily. He had paused after explaining how the Bulgarians demands for the notebook led him to creating a plan to buy him some more time. Casey looked up, having taken a high interest in the floor tiles for the majority of his recollection, and Antonio saw anxiousness and perhaps even fear in his eyes.

"We'll leave it there Matt," Antonio said sympathetically. It wasn't hard to guess how it had gone down in the back room of the club and he didn't want to distress Casey any further after all he'd been through, after all he'd had to do to survive when Antonio felt partially to blame for the whole situation.

Whilst Antonio spoke to his Casey Severide had gone to grab him a drink from one of the vending machines in the hospital corridor. He arrived back to the bed with a Gatorade in his hand just as Antonio finished off and left with a quick acknowledging nod towards him.

Sat on the edge of the bed Casey looked absolutely exhausted. He was a mess. Although his hand was now cleaned and wrapped up but there was still blood on his face and neck. His blond hair was sticking up all over the place. His normally bright eyes were glazed over. He looked like he could shatter into a million pieces. He'd been pushed to breaking point yet again and Severide didn't know what would bring him back this time. He didn't know how to help his friend, if he tried Casey would push him away insisting he was fine when he was actually falling apart inside. But Severide knew if he didn't try he would lose him. Matt Casey liked control, he liked structure and order and he was very protective, overly protective at times. It made him a great firefighter, a great lieutenant. But his protectiveness meant he had a hard time saying no when help was needed and it had gotten him into this mess. And what he had done to survive pushed him so close to breaking point and all Severide wanted to do was make the whole mess go away.

Standing beside the bed Severide uncapped the Gatorade and silently offered it to Casey who took it slowly and thankfully had a few sips before resting it on his lap. 

"Let's get you home yeah?" Severide comforted. He took the Gatorade off Casey and replaced the cap.

"The apartment…" Casey hesitated.

"It's been cleaned up. But we can go to a hotel if you want?" Severide suggested.

"Oh, no, it's fine. I'm fine, I just want to get out of here," Casey responded quickly. He still hadn't made any eye contact with Severide. Casey didn't want to have any more conversations. He wanted to get out of the hospital. He wanted to be on his own.

"Ok then," Severide wasn't sure it was the best idea but he wanted to let Casey have control.

The walk to the car was spent in silence. Casey got in the passenger side wincing slightly as he sat down, it didn't go unnoticed by Severide. To break the silence and add to some normality to the situation Severide turned the radio on. Casey stared blankly out of the passenger window but soon found he could longer keep his eyes open and he let sleep claim him.

As they neared their apartment building Severide glanced over to Casey who was leaning on the window fast asleep. Not wanting to alarm him he whispered "Case? Matt we're nearly back... I don't fancy carrying you over the threshold…" nothing, "Matt?" he spoke a little louder, placing his right hand on Casey's left leg.

Casey jerked away from the touch thinking he was back the club only to realise he was in the car with Severide who thankfully didn't say anything about his reaction.

"We're nearly home," Severide stated simply. Casey sat up straighter in his seat and continued to stare blankly out the window until the car pulled up to the kerb. They both got out and headed indoors, Casey was careful with his movements; even after just the short journey he was already feeling much sorer than when he left the hospital. He had no doubt that he'd feel truly awful in the morning.

"You ok?" Severide asked the ghostly white Casey as he dug his apartment key out of his pocket, "We can still go to a hotel? I can grab us a few things and we..."

"I'm fine... It's fine. I don't mind," Casey brushed off his concern.

"Ok…" Severide opened the door and stepped inside to the smell of chemical cleaner. If it weren't for the smell he wouldn't have thought anything had happened in the apartment. He walked to the kitchen and placed the Gatorade and pot of pills on the worktop.

Casey lingered by the door for a moment before stepping inside. Severide noted the lost look on his face, "Do you want something to drink, eat?" he asked as Casey joined him in the kitchen area looking down at the empty floor space where Katya had died. They must have taken the rug, he noted, there had been so much blood.

"I'm good," he replied abruptly not making eye contact as he turned to head to his room.

"Sure? I know it's late..." Severide looked down at his watch, it's nearly 2am, "I can chuck something together and we can put something on the..."

"I said I'm good," Casey snapped and walked off to his room, slamming the door closed leaving Severide shaking his head at the helplessness he felt over the whole situation.

When Severide didn't hear anything from Caseys room he decided he must have just gone to sleep. Thankfully, he thought. He messaged Boden back who he'd called on his way to the hospital earlier. Once Boden was up to date with the situation Severide grabbed himself a beer from the fridge, sat in the lounge started watching a game on mute so as not to disturb Casey. He was going to stay awake for another hour or so just to make sure his friend slept soundly. He should have made him take a couple of the sleeping pills but there would have been no point in even trying after Casey had snapped just at the suggestion of food.

Half an hour later he heard Casey mumbling in his sleep. Severide went over to his bedroom door. He felt like he was intruding as he listened to his friend tossing and turning in his sleep. Severide waited outside in the hope he would fall into a deep sleep. But the mumbling continued and decided enough was enough and knocked on the bedroom door. He didn't expect a response and he didn't get one. "Case?" he called out tentatively, "You all right? Matt?" Severide had hoped he would have been able to wake him from his nightmare just by speaking but he had no luck so opened the bedroom door.

He walked into the darkened room, the light from rest of the apartment shone through the doorway behind him and he saw Casey breathing heavily on top of the duvet. He was still wearing his clothes and even his shoes were still on his feet.

"Case? Come on buddy wake up," Severide leant over him, touching his arm, "Matt?" louder now, trying to rouse him. He didn't want to startle him.

Casey jerked awake and having felt something on his arm scrambled backwards and hit the headboard of the bed with a thump.

"Matty it's me, it's Sev, you're all right, it's just me! Matt?"

Eventually Severides concerned voice penetrated Casey's murky thoughts. When Severide saw him come to his senses he switched the lamp on and the room was eliminated in the dull glow. After a few moments Casey focused on his friend's concerned face, "Sev I'm sor…" he began tiredly.

"Quit apologising," Severide replied quickly, "You need to get changed, at least have a showered, you're still covered in blood Casey."

"Sure…" It was a testament as to how tired and not himself Casey was that he put up no fight and did as Severide said. He showered quickly and dressed in the pyjama pants that Severide dug out for him.

Severide immediately noticed the now darkening bruises on Casey's side when he exited the bathroom topless, "Sore?"

Casey slowly glanced down at his chest, "Nah I'm fine," Severide's eyebrows disbelievingly , "… Maybe a little sore."

"You look awful," Severide said bluntly, although in truth Casey did looked better now he'd showered.

"Thanks…" Casey responded dryly, "… Could have been worse," he added before heading to the kitchen to grab a drink.

Severide followed him and found him lost in thought looking down at the kitchen floor, "Case?" he caught his attention, his eyes were wide and watery, and Severides heart broke at the sight.

"I couldn't…" Casey began quietly, "… Couldn't stop it," he turned away from Severide and looked back down at the floor. Severide waited but Casey said nothing else. Typical.

"Bed," Severide announced gently, "You need sleep," he grabbed the pills and Gatorade from the counter and led his friend to bed, after pulling back the covers he sat Casey down and handed up two pills saying, "You'll feel better, take them," Casey did as he was told and was handed him the drink to swallow them down with. He sank down into the bed and felt the soft covers pulled up over him as he let his eyes fall closed.

Severide waited for Casey to fall asleep before switching off the lamp on the bedside table. He left the room, leaving the door slightly ajar, before going to bed himself. As he lay in bed Severide continued to worry about Casey. He was thankful he took the sleeping pills because at least his body could get some decent rest. With his thoughts on Casey he eventually drifted off to sleep.

Casey woke up slowly and groggily on Sunday morning, there was light escaping into his room through a small gap in the blinds. Looking at the alarm clock he saw the sleeping pills had done their job, it was just after 11am. He got out of bed and changed stiffly into some joggers and an old t-shirt. His entire body ached but his hand was already feeling better but he couldn't shake all the images from last night out of his head or the sound of the gunshot.

Severide was sat on the sofa when he saw Casey emerge from his room and grab a mug of coffee from the pot. He looked more like himself than last night although he still looked pale and a little groggy. With a mug of steaming of hot coffee in his hand Casey sat his aching body down slowly next to his friend on the sofa.

"Morning," Severide looked over to him.

"Yeah… just," Casey shrugged and sipped his coffee.

"So… you feelin' all right?" Severide decided to poach the subject before his friend was fully awake, more chance of an honest answer.

Casey raised his eyebrows, "Fine," he was not going to tell him how he couldn't stop seeing Katya's body on the kitchen floor or the gun aimed at himself. He was thankful for the sleeping pills last night but he wasn't about to admit that to anyone.

"Y'know if you wanna talk about it…"

"I don't," Casey said abruptly.

"Ok then," and Severide dropped the subject knowing that he could easily push his friend away and he would never talk about it. His defences were already up and raised high.

They both sat in silence for a while before Severide realised Casey was the only one at 51 who hadn't heard the latest. "I actually owe you an apology, I guess…" he began and Casey frowned at him questioningly. Sighing before he continued, "So I checked out Rice's story… he was ducking."

"I'm sorry," Casey said sincerely.

"You're sorry?" Severide was surprised, "I backed up his lie… and called you a.."

Casey interrupted him before he could continue, "Sanctimonious prick? Yeah I was there… He was your friend, I'm sorry he lied to you… and besides you've called me worse before."

"Well I am sorry… with everything you had going on too..." Severide sympathised.

"Sev," Casey started sharply, "You're getting dangerously close to soppy with me," he smirked. Casey put his now empty mug down on the coffee table and announced he was going out for a run. He wanted to clear his head. Distract himself.

"You've not eaten anything for… who knows how long!" Severide said in protest to the idea but Casey shot him a look of defiance – you're not my mother - so he put his hands up in mock surrender, "All right, well, I'm gonna join you cause I've not been down to the gym yet."

"Fine. You better keep up," Casey mocked.

After their run they both showered and changed. Stepping out of his room Severide saw Casey with his damp hair looking down at the floor in the kitchen, sighing with concern he asked, "You wanna go out?"

Looking up surprised to see Severide stood there, "Huh? I'm good."

"Beer and some movies then?" Severide suggested because he knew Casey wasn't as fine as he was letting on.

"Kelly go out if you want, I'm more than capable of keeping myself entertained," he said.

"Guys night in sounds good to me," Severide didn't want to leave his friend alone to wallow.

"I'm fine on my own. I'm fine," Casey insisted.

"I know," Severide replied lightly. After rummaging through one of the kitchen draws he dug out some take-away menus, held them all up and asked, "So what do you want?"

Knowing better than insist he was fine and wasn't hungry Casey let Severide choose pizza. If he acted like nothing was wrong he hoped his friend would stop the concerned glances and leave him on his own. But everything was wrong. Images from the previous night kept running though his head. The run had helped him focus on something else and he was glad he would be at the firehouse tomorrow, he actually hoped for a busy shift to keep his mind occupied and to stop everyone asking how he was doing.

They both sat on the sofa waiting for the pizzas to arrive when Casey's phone rang. He silenced the phone and put it back down on the coffee table.

Severide eyed him questioningly, "You should probably answer that."

"It's just Dawson. I'll see her in the morning," and before Severide could say anything he blurted out, "I slept with her. A few months ago. Not my best decision. Was tryin' to distance myself from her and I slept with her… I'm her lieutenant."

"Oh…" Severide mouthed, then he almost laughed, "You must really not wanna talk about last night if you're now telling me you slept with Dawson…"

Casey stood up and threw his arms open, "What do you want me to do!? Tell you what happened? Tell you what I did?" he yelled so fiercely that Severide was taken aback, shocked at the outburst.

"Case… I was just joking, you know that really,"

"I'm sorry," he shook his head and collapsed back down onto the sofa, "Dunno what's wrong with me," he forced a smile even though he and Severide both knew what was wrong. Casey would just continue to brush last night's events aside.

Changing to subject so Casey felt more comfortable Severide asked, "So I chose the food, you wanna pick the movie?" he smiled and chucked the remote over to him.

During the movie Severide kept glancing at Casey who was absentmindedly pulling his pizza apart before taking a few bites every now and then but at least he was eating, Severide hadn't seen him eat anything else all day. He knew Casey was going to keep everything bottled up inside until it became too much just like after Hallie had died. His friend had gone through so much and Severide just wanted to be there for him but he knew him too well. He would keep insisting he was fine even if he were bleeding to death; he never wanted to be anyone's burden.

The movie ended and as the credits rolled Severide took the pizza boxes to the kitchen, Casey had eaten nearly half of his thankfully, he came back to the sofa with two beers, handing one to Casey as he sat back down.

"Your choice," Casey said tiredly as he passed Severide the remote. As Severide began scrolling through the movie choices Casey looked across to him and asked so quietly he was barely heard, "What would you have done?" Severide looked at those big blue pleading eyes, Casey needed reassurance, he needed to know that what he did was ok, that he wasn't a bad person.

"I'm sure I would have done the same," Severide responded but knew Casey needed more because that wasn't really the question he wanted answering, he wanted to know if what he did was right thing, it was tearing him up inside, "You did the right thing Matt."

"I'm not so sure…" Casey frowned, "I killed him Sev… If I'd just waited..."

"Look, there's no point in thinking about all the 'what ifs'. You did what you did. It was self-defence. They killed your friend. They were going to kill you. You didn't know how it was going to turn out. You took control of the situation. And thank God you did or I might not be sat with you right now. He was A bad guy. And there's nothing wrong with having one less of them in the world. Any one of us in that situation would have had to do the same to survive," Severide tried to reassure him.

"Sev…" Casey looked away as if he was concerned about what Severide would think of him, "… Part of me is…" he looked back to his friend and saw his empathetic expression willing him to continue, "Part of me is glad I did it… and that makes me feel sick… but he pulled me. He pulled me off her. I tried to stop them so I could get back to her. If I'd stopped them from taking me. If I'd stopped them I could have helped her. I tried. I really did. But I couldn't and now I can't stop seeing her."

"Matt I'm so sorry," Severide held Caseys arm reassuringly, "I know you did everything you could. You and I both know that sometimes no matter how hard we try we can't have changed things that happened. They're out of our control. There wasn't anything you could have done to save her. And you know I'm not just making any of this up to make you feel better. It's true. And you did the right thing," he reiterated.

"I guess," Casey sighed, though truly he didn't really know what to say, he just wished none of it had happened. Casey was silent once more and Severide understood that he had done enough talking, but it was better than before, a few years ago Severide knew it would have taken a lot longer to get anything out of him. Severide passed the remote to him and suggested he chose the film as there was nothing Severide wanted to watch.

Not long into the chosen movie Casey fell asleep with his head resting on the arm of the sofa. Severide smiled down at Casey's peaceful sleeping form as he got up to turn the TV off and fetch a blanket. He moved Casey's legs up onto the sofa and gently placing the blanket on top Severide went to his room, leaving his door ajar so he could hear if his friend woke up. He fell asleep soon after his head hit the pillow, all the worrying was tiresome.

Casey woke up with a start. He found himself trapped awkwardly on the sofa as a blanket had become tangled around his heavily breathing form. The TV was off and the apartment was dark. After untangling himself from the blanket he got up and quickly switched all the lights on.

Severide woke up slowly to a bright light shining through his door. He got up quietly and glanced through to see Casey sat on the sofa with his head in his hands. The floorboard creaked slightly as he shifted his weight. Casey heard and quickly spun his head around. He would have been directly looking at Severide with his bleary eyes if the shadow of the dark bedroom wasn't obscuring him. Severide remained still, didn't want Casey to think he was checking up on him even though all he wanted to do was make sure he was ok but Casey was… Casey. He may have spoken to him earlier but he wouldn't want to be seen like this. Severide was going to leave him to his privacy even though his heart urged him to go and comfort him but comfort him with what? All he could was repeat his earlier words until they sunk in. Severide quietly went back to his bed and lay there. He could hear Casey pacing as he drifted off to sleep.

Pacing around the apartment Casey had one thing on his mind. The notebook. He wanted phone Antonio until he saw the time and thought he'd better do it at a more reasonable hour of day. If they'd found the notebook they'd have the evidence they needed. But surely Antonio would have called him if it was all over. He continued to pace the apartment. He wanted to do something. To know what was happening. He should have called Antonio earlier. If something had changed he would have been told. No. He should have called Antonio. Or maybe they didn't want him to know. What if he had gone and messed everything up at the club and now there was no chance in finding the notebook and prosecuting them? No… if anything what happened at the club was only going to incriminate them further… All these thoughts kept running through his mind. He had no idea what was happening. He felt so out of control and the only thing he could do was wait. He hated waiting. A few more hours and it would be an appropriate time to call Antonio and then he would be on shift. Yes. Back to normalcy, that would help.

Casey had got himself so worked up whilst pacing the apartment he took another shower. Standing up the jets of water he closed his eyes and leant his forehead on the wall letting the hot water cascade down his back. He felt exhausted. He opened his eyes again and shook his head awake before images of Katya's body could flood his vision. He sighed deeply as he finished washing; he'd seen dead bodies in worst states, seen people die before, held the hand of more than one dying person, so why couldn't he shake this?

Once he changed into his blue t-shirt and jeans and re-wrapped his hand up Casey made a pot of coffee. He wasn't going to sleep. His few hours of sleep earlier had been so disturbed he was sure that it had provided him with no rest and he didn't want to try again. Instead he switched the TV on, put it on mute and watched it mindlessly until the sun began to rise.

He sent Antonio a message asking him to call when he had the chance. Severide would be up soon so he freshened himself up in the bathroom, he didn't want any more questions on his wellbeing. He splashed his face with water and looked up at his reflection in the mirror as the water dripped off into the sink. He was pale and there were large dark bags under his eyes. He could already imagine his whole team asking how he was doing when he got to the firehouse, if he turned up looking like this they were not going to believe all of his 'I'm fine's. He tidied up his bed hair and looked much more like the truck lieutenant everyone was used to.

Severide woke up and went straight to the kitchen to grab a mug of coffee and started to take it back to his room when he saw Casey emerge from the bathroom dressed and ready for work. He looked like hadn't gotten any sleep last night, "Morning," he spoke softly to Casey who just acknowledged him as he went to get another caffeine hit. Severide closed his bedroom door behind leaving Casey in the kitchen drinking another coffee. Once dressed he stepped out of his room again and saw Casey staring down at the kitchen floor, he could only imagine what he was thinking, "You know I think Chief would understand if you decided to sit this shift out. I think everyone would."

"New candidate starts today. Got to be there," Casey replied setting his mug down on the kitchen counter, "Anyway, I'm good," he smiled at Severide who just looked at him with concern, he didn't believe him.

"Heard you pacing around last night…" Severide broached carefully.

"This thing isn't over until I find Katya's notebook," he replied as he fastened his watch, "…I'll relax then." He wished Antonio had called or just updated him.

"All right," Severide conceded and realising the time started to head out the door and get to the firehouse and questioned, "Ride together?"

"Thanks but I'm not ready," he replied.

Severide looked him up and down, "Ok… guess I'll see you later then."

"See ya… and thanks Kelly."

Not a good day. Casey narrowly avoided being late to shift, he'd been questioned about his wellbeing as soon as he entered the common room. Severide, very unfairly, was being demoted and the whole situation made no logical sense to either of the, his company's turnover rate was not down to his leadership. Jimmy Borelli, his new candidate, had been sent home by the chief before Casey could even say anything. Dawson had finished her probationary period and so Casey was sure he'd soon been down a crew member since it was never her intention to stay under his command, he hoped that was still the case, he'd been far too involved with her for it to work out, he was still surprised that they'd gotten away with their brief and rocky relationship whilst working on the same rig. Not a good situation.

Casey hadn't bothered showering straight after the crack den fire instead he went straight to his quarters and slumped in his chair. The moment the roof collapsed knowing Dawson was inside the neighbouring building was replying over in his head, alongside images of Katya dying on his kitchen and the man he had killed with two swift hammer blows to the head. He sighed, running his hand from his dirty blond hair. To top it all off earlier when he'd heard back from Antonio who rather than just speaking over the phone had said he'd come over to the firehouse he knew it was bad news and he had been right and then only to discover Nesbitt and the FBI at the club just before the call. Casey had barely had a chance to speak to Severide and see how he was doing after his news this morning, their brief moment together earlier had been cut short by the arrival and subsequent dismissal of his new candidate, he was annoyed and frustrated.

Except for Casey's response to everyone's concern at the start of shift he'd spent the majority of his time silent and in his quarters. It hadn't gone unnoticed by his men.

Severide was styling his hair in front of one of the bathroom mirrors when Herrmann walked up to him, "How's Casey doing?"

Severide just raised an eyebrow and went back to the mirror.

"You do live with him," Herrmann commented, urging for an answer.

"I'm sure he told you he was fine when y'all decided to interrogate him this morning," he exaggerated.

"Of course he said he was fine. Should he even be here today?" They'd both seen Casey take his rage out on several cars at the scene they'd been called to that morning.

Severide let out a breath and turned to face him, "He's good," but that hadn't convinced Herrmann so he continued, "Well he will be. You know Casey," he shrugged and left the bathroom in search of Casey because in all honesty except for the last call he'd barely seen his friend.

Severide found Casey slumped over his desk filling in paperwork. He knocked on the door but didn't wait for a reply before letting himself in, "Hey," he spoke as Casey looked from his desk and nodded in acknowledgment and went back to the work on his desk. Severide sat on the end of the bed and it was a few moments before either of them spoke.

Casey who broke the silence when he looked up from his desk and turned round on his chair to face Severide, "Patterson seems all right?" he questioned lightly having now seen him action.

"Mm yeah I guess," he replied and Casey shrugged not really knowing what to say about the whole situation, "I went and signed up for this leadership course thing," Severide added realising he'd not had chance to tell Casey about it yet.

"Yeah? How was it?" Casey asked.

"It'll be all right. I'll get my squad back," Severide responded confidently, "Heard you took a trip back to Stilettos before that call," he stated bluntly.

Casey inhaled shaking his head frustratingly, "Nesbit was there. He's been playing the FBI. The bastard," he said running his hand through his tousled hair, sighing he continued, "There's nothing I can do. He's probably already got the notebook and gone and destroyed the only evidence."

"Anything I can do?" Severide asked.

Casey shook his head in distress, "I don't think there's anything even I can do. The whole thing is out of my control," he said glumly, "Everything's out of control," he looked down at his wrapped hand and before Severide could respond he stood up to leave his quarters, "I'm gonna grab a shower."

Severide remained sitting on Casey's bed after he'd left the room. Feeling utterly useless. Not a good day.

The rest of shift went quietly. Casey made a brief appearance at dinner, where he sat at the end of the long table, where Severide and Dawson watched him from the corner of their eyes as he made little effort to join in the conversations that took place as he sat absent minded as he moved the food around his plate. Severide watched as Herrmann, who was to sat to Caseys right, spoke to him but Casey didn't hear.

"Huh?" Casey looked up from his plate to Herrmann.

"You want seconds?" he asked with a smile as he held a serving dish.

With his brow furrowed Casey looked down at all the food on his plate and replied, "Think I'm good."

And then Herrmann proceeded to casually question, "How you holding up?"

"Fine. Like I said this morning. Nothing to worry about," the words came out strong but mechanical and the smile that played across his face was forced and pinched at his lips. The entire exchange had been watched by Severide although he heard nothing sat at the other table in the room.

Nothing else was said on the matter to Casey's relief and once dinner was over he went back to the sanctuary of his quarters.

Casey fell asleep with his magazine in his hand only to wake an hour later to the sound of the alarms calling for Ambulance 61. Sighing he got under the covers of his bed and drifted off to what he hoped would be a dreamless sleep again.

He bolted upright on the bed dripping in sweat and breathing heavily. After a moment he regained composure and looked outside to the sleeping quarters for any sign that his nightmare had been witnessed, everyone was fast asleep. Casey dragged himself out of the twisted bed covers and went quietly to the bathroom where he washed his face with cold water before getting back into bed, this time closing all the blinds. Casey flipped through his magazine but finding it harder and harder to keep his eyes open he soon drifted off to sleep again.

The next time Casey woke the early morning sun was streaming through the gap in his blinds. He joined the others in the common room with the sole purpose of grabbing a mug of coffee to take back to his room when he heard Severide.

"Case?" Severide grabbed his friends attention as he saw him leaving the room and pulled him to the side away from everyone's sight, "You sleep all right? Didn't see you at all after dinner…"

"Fine… how'd you sleep?" he asked rhetorically.

Casey wasn't fine, the usual brightness in his eyes had disappeared and dark bags had appeared but Severide didn't want an argument so rather than saying - you look awful, please let me help, just talk to me - he asked, "You wanna hit the gym after shift?"

"Nah I'm good, got work to do anyway," Casey replied before taking himself back to his quarters. It wasn't a lie. He did have work to do, he had a little bit of paperwork to catch up on and he needed to get some quotes together for some customers.

Their shift soon ended and Casey remained in his quarters as the crews changed over. He'd decided he was going to keep himself busy at the house as long as he could, third watch wouldn't mind, going back to the apartment meant having to face Severides concerned glances, and as much as he was glad they were on good terms again he just couldn't face him. He wanted the whole situation to be forgotten by everyone. He was fine, a little tired and a little sore but he was fine.

Boden had noticed him still in his quarters when he walk passed in the middle of the afternoon. Casey's body was slouched over the paperwork he was filling in when the he knocked on his door, opened it when his lieutenant acknowledged him, he lent on the door frame and asked, "Want to go and grab something to eat?"

"I'm good thanks," Casey replied curtly and turned back to his paperwork hoping he would be left alone.

"You're worked up about this. Don't let it get to you Matt. Don't do something reckless."

"That's what Antonio said. Everyone always thinks I'm gonna do something stupid. Is that the reputation I've really built up?"

"Not stupid, maybe not even reckless. Just don't put yourself on the line for this," Boden advised remembering how his truck lieutenant had started dealing with the Voight situation a few years ago.

"Nothing I can do, Chief. Feds are involved. Nesbitt's probably already found and destroyed the only evidence that would put him and the others behind bars. Nothing I can do," he said pointedly opting to look back down at his desk rather than at Boden.

Boden sighed in resignation knowing Casey would not take the advice he was about to give, "Go home Matt, get some decent sleep, like you said, there's nothing you can do so you may as well go home, relax, have a beer with Kelly, I'm sure he'd appreciate that right now."

Casey was still at the firehouse when it began to get dark early in the October evening. Throughout the day he had kept himself busy going through paperwork. he had thought about consoling Severide as the chief left him earlier but knew he had quite a bit to do for his new management course, he would go home later and they could watch a game on the TV. It wouldn't be a great distraction for him as he remembered how his mind had wondered from the movies they had watched the previous day to images of Katya, the club, the gun and the hammer.

There was a knock at his door and Connie greeted him, "Lieutenant."

"Hey," Casey said in acknowledgement noticing that she was carrying turnout coat and more paperwork.

"Gabriella Dawson put in for a new turnout coat. I just need you to OK it," she explained as she handed him the paperwork and coat.

"Thanks," he said as he put them on his desk on his desk. He turned the coat over to see the damage himself. It had been a close one but he'd seen worse and it only made him think how much he wanted her to transfer. He didn't want to be responsible for her, he had loved her, he really had and he was worried how that impacted on his judgement. He shouldn't have rushed into the building after her.

Connie waited for him to sign the paperwork, she took the form and coat back from him and stated, "Go home Lieutenant, or am I gonna have to kick you out?" she teased lightly.

"Yeah… probably should," he replied quietly as he watched Connie leave.

Casey winced as he stood up quickly having forgotten about his sore ribs although now his whole body felt sore once again as he'd been sat still for so long. He decided to head home, check on Severide, although he had heard something about Patterson throwing a boat party tonight.

He was wearing his work clothes still as he entered the apartment. Severide was sat on the sofa with a blonde woman that Casey didn't recognise, "Hi," he said with a questioning look and small smirk on his face, of course Severide had managed to find someone to help cheer himself up.

"Casey," Severide greeted him and women smiled at him, "You been at the House all day?"

Casey didn't reply, Severide realised he was correct with his assumption, "Thought I heard something about a boat party tonight?" Casey asked.

"Had work to do," Severide indicated to the files and paperwork on the coffee table. There was also a couple of glasses of wine and a nearly empty bottle.

"Work?"

"For this management course, Jamie's been forced onto it too," Severide explained and indicated to the blonde next to him.

"Right, well I'll not be here long," Casey said before he went to shower and change. Once he was ready and about to leave he noticed that Jamie was in the kitchen opening another bottle of wine and Severide was sat alone on the sofa so he took the opportunity to ask, "Are you all right?"

"Me? Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Severide replied with his eyebrows arched,

"I haven't just had someone take over my truck," Casey pointed out.

"You know what I mean Case," he said with concern.

Casey looked down at his watch giving himself an excuse to leave, "Look, thanks, but it's getting late, I gotta go."

"Go where?" Severide questioned, "You going to Molly's."

He shook his head, he couldn't face Molly's, not when it was incredibly likely that the majority of his crew would be there. He grabbed his coat and made for the door.

"Hold up Case, I'll join you."

"You've got company," he stated as he saw Jamie exit the bathroom.

Casey soon found himself in a quiet bar, a glass of whiskey sat untouched in front of him, he had no intention on drinking himself under, he just wanted to relax. He finished his drink and asked the bartender for another.

"Make that two!"

"Kelly? How'd…"

"Closest bar," he supplied as he sat down next to Casey.

"What happened to your friend?"

"Look I know it's not a solution to all the crap that's gone on but you shouldn't be alone,"

"Everyone's worried about me,"

"You're kinda spinning out, well… as much you spin out…"

"I've been worse,"

"I know," Severide nodded, "Look Case this will all work out."

"Just don't want them to get away with what they've done. Katya was only trying to help and she was killed because of it. I just want it to be over. I want to forget about it."

"And lock up with everything else?" Severide knew exactly how Casey worked. He'd known him too long not to.

"Yup."

"Let's drink up and get home. It's been a long day," Severide stated before taking a swig of his drink.

Casey found himself stood in the kitchen. "I'm not telling you anything!" Katya yelled. Bang! Katya was bleeding out. The blood was seeping through his hands. "I said get up!" yelled the Bulgarian. A strong arm grabbed his shoulder pulling him upright as he still stared down at Katya's dying body. "Ok where is it? She's always writing in a notebook. Where does she keep it?" "Casey just give him what he wants." Casey was suddenly crouched down in the new room at the club with the gun pointing at his head. Three shots rang out as the scene changed. "Dawson!" He yelled watching the roof collapse but he couldn't move and no one was with him as he watched both buildings go up in flames, he was stuck on the spot trying to run inside when he looked down to see the Bulgarians dead body and a pool of blood spreading so fast he didn't think there was that much blood inside a human body. He was going to drown in it. 

"Casey? Case?" Severide was calling his name, he'd woken to Casey's frantic movements, he had been fighting against his bed covers when Severide had entered his room.

Casey woke with a start, breathing heavily as he bolted upright, "You ok?" Severide asked, although the answer was obvious. Casey hadn't heard him, "Matt?" he asked again trying to get him respond and placed his hand on Casey's arm only to have him jerk away.

Casey suddenly became aware of his surroundings again and was shocked to see Severide sat by him, looking at him with concern, "It's ok, it was just a dream," he heard him say soothingly.

Severide watched as Casey regained composure and began breathing normally, "Ok Case? What happened?"

Casey swung his legs out from under the bed covers and sat up on the side of the bed, "Sorry I woke you," he stated tiredly.

"What happened?" he asked again.

"I don't remember," he said bluntly, Severide didn't believe him, and he stood up from the bed, "I'm going to grab a shower. Go back to bed." And against his better judgment Severide went back to his own room.

Meanwhile Casey took a refreshing shower in the hope of clearing his mind of the images that were still dancing around his head. He was used to the occasional bad dream, he'd gone through quite a few difficult times in the past and of course it came as part of the job but he had dealt with it, he just needed to push it to the back of his mind again where all his other bad memories were hidden away. Casey was pulled out of his thoughts as the water began to run cold, had he really been in the shower that long?

After drying and putting his pyjama pants back on he grabbed a glass of juice and sat down at the kitchen table. He could still feel the gun being pressed into his back. He could hear the loud echoing bang that had rung out in this very room. Looking at the floor now he could still see the blood spreading. He could see Katya's pleading eyes when all could do was crouch over her and do nothing. He could see the gun pointing at him, threatening him. He could see himself grabbing the hammer and slamming it on his attackers head. He could see himself attacking Nesbit. These thoughts kept swirling around his head and the images displayed themselves in front of his eyes with such freshness he felt as if he was reliving it all over again. He sighed and shook his head trying to disperse all his thoughts.

It was the early hours of the morning when Severide stepped out his room to get a glass of water when he saw Casey sat the kitchen table. After grabbing a glass of tap water he sat opposite him. Casey was so deep in thought he didn't notice Severide until he placed the glass of water on the table.

"You can't get back to sleep? … Look like you're about to fall asleep right here..." he added with concern.

"Won't sleep properly until this is over," Casey replied, "But no one needs to worry. Everything will be back to normal soon and it'll be fine. Like you said, it'll all work out… right?"

"Right."

The End


End file.
